1991 January/February issue Part 1

The childless man or woman      

  
Children, God tells us, are a heritage from the Him. Is the man or woman to whom He gives no children therefore disinherited? Surely not. the Lord gave portions of land to each tribe of Israel except one. “The tribe of Levi... received no holding; the Lord God of Israel is their portion, as He promised them” (Joshua 3:14, REB). Withholding what He granted to the rest, He gave to Levi a higher privilege. May we not see childlessness in the same light? I believe there is a special gift for those to whom God does not give the gift of physical fatherhood or motherhood.

   I have known many women (and a few men) who have sorrowed deeply over being childless. My brother-in-law Bert Elliot and his wife Colleen, missionaries in Peru for about forty years, longed for children of their own. They asked the Lord for children if that would best glorify Him. His answer was no. They wondered about adoption, which would not have been nearly so difficult there as it would have been in the States. Again the answer seemed to be no, but God has given them the privilege of fathering and mothering hundreds of Peruvians, both white and Indian, in the jungle and in the high Andes, where they bear on their shoulders the care of dozens of little churches.

   A woman of about fifty wrote, “Each Mothers Day became a little harder for me as I realized another year had gone by and after many years of marriage I am still childless- the only woman in my Sunday School class who is not a mother. The morning service started... I could not see the pastor for the tears in my eyes. Almost at the end of his message he said, ‘I know there are some of you women here this morning who would like to be mothers, but for some reason God has chosen differently. Don’t question Him. He has a reason.”

   Childlessness for those who deeply desire children, is suffering. Seen in the light of Calvary and accepted in the name of Christ, it becomes a chance to share in His sufferings. Acceptance of the will of Father took Him to the cross. We find our peace as we identify with Him in His death and resurrection.

   Look around your church. If you are a parent, look for those who aren’t. Might they not be ready to “father” or “mother” you or your children, to be adopted as a grandparent, for example, or an aunt or uncle? My life was enriched by unmarried aunts and friends who paid attention to us children, celebrated our birthdays and sometimes even helped us with homework. The love they would have poured out on their own children had God given them marriage, the poured out on us and we were blessed as we could not have been had they had children. Their loss was our gain, and, as Ugo Bassi said, we are so measure our lives “by loss and not by gain; not by the wine drunk but by the wine poured forth, for Love’s strength standeth in Love’s sacrifice, and he who suffereth most hath most to give.”

   What of the thousand who have not had the mothers and fathers they desperately longed for while they were growing up? Is not God calling all whose ears are open to Him to recognize the wounds of the world and to pour forth His love to the lonely young man whose relationship with his father seems to have destroyed his fitness for manhood? Or to the expectant mother whose own mother is far away, or indifferent, or dead, who longs for a mother to share her joy? Whose will be the strong should of sympathy (the word means “to suffer with”) ready to bear another’s burdens? – not with the tepid sentimentality which only weakens, but with the burning love which gives hope and cheer and strength?

My correspondent says God has given her “several kids adopted in my heart to pray for whose mothers say they haven’t time to pray.” Another girl asked her to be grandmother to her new baby. “Well, what a blessing and how this has changed my life!” she says. “If I had sat around and felt sorry for myself look at the above blessing I would have missed. What a thrill on Mother’s Day this year to get a Grandmother card!”

And what of the young childless woman? Is she merely to mark time, hoping against hope that someday she will be given a child? There are always younger people who need a boost, some encouragement in their struggles against the pull of the world, a listening ear when they face hard decisions, someone who will simply take time out from his own concerns to pray with them, to walk with them the way of the Cross with its tremendous demand- the difficult and powerful life of glad surrender and acceptance. As the branches of the vine pour out their sweetness so young women may see their opportunity, as branches of the True Vine, to pour out their lives for the world.