1986 January/February issue Part 1

Rules for Courtship

The following, which I wish we could shout from the housetops, was published in 1962 as a small leaflet entitled "Rules for Keeping Company." No author's name is given. It is reprinted here by permission from Liguori Publications, Liguori, Missouri 63057. "A serious problem is presented to parents and other directors of youth in the wrong views of courtship that are prevalent today. Courtship usually means: the association between a marriageable man and a marriageable woman as a mutual tryout of one another's character for marriage. It is so fraught with moral danger that the rules governing it should be strictly enforced:

1. Close association and friendship, or what is known as company-keeping (dating), between a man and a woman who cannot get married, or who do not intend ever to get married, or who should not think of marriage for some years to come, is always seriously wrong. Therefore: (1) nothing can justify company-keeping with a divorced or married person; (2) if one does not intend to get married, one has no right to keep another person from other opportunities to contract marriage, and no right to run the risks of company keeping; (3) high school students and other young people for whom marriage is out of the question for many years have no right to steady company-keeping. The reason? Because the dangers in company-keeping are grave, and only a grave reason such as possibility of marriage can justify subjecting oneself to such dangers.

2. Company-keeping does not entitle man and woman to the right of long, private, unguarded interviews with one another, nor to any of the familiarities (better to be called sensual indulgences) that usually arise from such lonely trysts. Company-keeping is safe only when it is kept for the most part out in the open, i.e., in such a manner that others may or could observe it at all times and see nothing wrong.

3. Company-keeping must not be too pro-longed. It does not require several years for a man and woman to ascertain whether they are suited to one another for marriage. If it is possible, it is, after a reasonable time (six months to a year), obligatory on the man to speak of getting married before long. If there be obstacles to marriage within that time, they must do all the more to keep out of occasions of sin (such as lonely meetings) if they are to be allowed to continue going together.

The world is doing all in its power to make company keeping an inevitable source of sin for young people. Many parents have taken sides with the world. The above rules should be explained early to Catholic (and to all Christian) young men and women, and then duly enforced by those who have them in charge."