1991 January/February issue Part 1

The childless man or woman      

  
Children, God tells us, are a heritage from the Him. Is the man or woman to whom He gives no children therefore disinherited? Surely not. the Lord gave portions of land to each tribe of Israel except one. “The tribe of Levi... received no holding; the Lord God of Israel is their portion, as He promised them” (Joshua 3:14, REB). Withholding what He granted to the rest, He gave to Levi a higher privilege. May we not see childlessness in the same light? I believe there is a special gift for those to whom God does not give the gift of physical fatherhood or motherhood.

1990 November/December issue Part 3

Men, Women and Biblical Equality. Part 3

   Men have disobeyed by misusing their authority, and women have disobeyed by refusing it. We are not therefore at liberty to drain the word headship of its oblivious hierarchical meaning. Let’s be careful not to overlook the all-important word as: “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph 5:22, 23). In what sense is Christ the head of the church? It’s a physical metaphor Paul is using. Is it not the head of the human body the part from which all other parts take orders? Yes, iv’e read pages and pages of arguments about that Greek word Kephale. Some would insist that it means only source, and carries no thought of authority. But I insist that metaphors are metaphors and they mean more, not less, than the mere words could mean in another context. One wonders if these humourless, nearsighted, nit-picking, theological pendants have ever read a book in their lives!

1990 November/December issue Part 2

Men, Women, and Biblical Equality. Part 2

   Most of what the MWBE’s advertisements say I think most Christians would accept. It is what they have chosen not to say that disturbs me deeply. The section on Community deals with the Holy Spirit's coming on both men and women; both have spiritual gifts. True enough, but were there not certain restrictions (for both men and women) placed on the use of these gifts? Is there no such thing as church order which manifests a church hierarchy?

1990 November/December issue Part 1

Men, Women, and Biblical Equality. Part 1

   A few months ago a double-paged advertisement with the above heading appeared in Christian magazine, containing a statement drawn up by seven Christian leaders, and signed by (if I counted correctly) 164 others. It appeared to be a direct rebuttal to The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood which was formed several years ago.

1990 March/April issue Part 3

Virginity part 3

“How can a Christian single woman enter into the mystery of Christ and the church if she never experiences marriage?” is the question of a very thoughtful young woman.

   The gift of virginity, given to everyone to offer back to God for His use, is a priceless and irreplaceable gift. It can be offered in the pure sacrifice of marriage, or it can be offered in the sacrifice of life’s celibacy. Does this sound just too, too high and holy? But think for a moment- because the virgin has never known a man, she is free to concern herself wholly with the Lord’s affairs, as Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, “and her aim in life is to make herself holy, in body and spirit.” She keeps her heart as the Bride of Christ in a very special sense, and offers to the Heavenly Bridegroom alone all that she is and has. When she gives herself willingly to Him in love she has no need to justify herself to the world or to Christians who plague her with questions and suggestions. In a way not open to the married woman her daily “living sacrifices” is a powerful and humble witness, radiating love. I believe she may enter into the “mystery” more deeply than the rest of us.

1990 March/April issue Part 2

Virginity Part 2

But what shall I say to the women who write to me in such sorrow and perplexity? First of all, it is not our job to set about trying to coerce the men. They must answer to God, who made them the initiators. But a woman must answer to God about her acceptance of singleness, seeking to know Him in it and converting it into good by a peaceful YES, LORD! Rather than into real evil by a rebellious NO!
   At lunch today Lars said, “I’ll tell you what would change things fast- if all woman decided they would not ‘give out,’ I mean give men what they’re looking for but are unwilling to make a commitment for.”
   One young woman wrote in desperation, agreeing with what I believe is God’s order, “YEAH! That’s the way is should be!! Unfortunately, that’s not the way it is!”

1990 March/April issue Part 1

Virginity Part 1

My heart goes out to the countless women in their thirties and forties who write to me in real agony of soul because they are still single. There were two letters in this mornings mail. One said, “I am a Christian woman thirty years of age and I am facing the possibility of a life of singleness.” The other: “I am forty-one years old. I never dreamed I would not be married- I’ve been praying for a husband ever since I was sixteen. “
   This phenomenon, due in part, I suppose, to what demographers are calling “the postponed generaton” (the Baby Boomers, born between 1946 and 1964) has reached catastrophic proportions. Men postpone marriage ten or twenty years beyond what used to be considered the marrying age. When the mirror tells them they’re fast aging they decide it’s time to settle down.

1989 July/August issue Part 2

What's a nice girl like you...

Young people have the crazy notion now days that the only way to really "get to know" somebody is to get intimate. That's what's important. No it isn't. What's important is what the person lives for and how much they'd be willing to risk for it. The following is reprinted from The Pilot, a Catholic weekly of the Aarchdiocese of Boston, March 31, 1989, with the premission of John Mallon:

1989 May/June issue Part 2

Humdudgeons or contentment

The word humdudgeon is a new word to me and I like the sound of it. It means “a loud complaint without a trifle.” Heard any of those lately around your house? One mother thought of an excellent antidote; all humdudgeons must be presented not orally but in writing, “of two hundred words or more.” There was a sudden marked reduction in whining and complaining.

   Parents, by example, teach their children to whine. No wonder it is so difficult to teach them not to! Listen to conversations in the elevator, at the hairdresser’s, at the next table in the restaurant. Everybody’s whining about everything- weather, health, the president, the IRS, the insurance mess, traffic, kids.

1988 July/August issue Part 1

A Man Moves toward Marriage

Letters keep coming from both men and women who are in a quandary about how one ought to move towards marriage. While I was sitting here, rereading some of them, a man phoned with a question about the same subject. I wonder what is happening. Why so much confusion? Here’s one of the letters:

  “I’m a male Christian who needs help. I just ended a long-term ‘relationship’ with a non-Christian girl. I made plenty of compromises those years, and by God’s grace I hope next time will be better. I read your book The Mark of a Man and was shown things I never knew before which blew my mind. I’m excited about the idea of sharing life with a girl in a way which would honour Jesus. At the same time I get scared about making bad moves, when to initiate, and financial fears about supporting a family if I’m a missionary, which at the moment I’m being directed to. These things may seem silly but they’re real to me. I only ask that in future Newsletters you could address some issues which would benefit us guys who see marriage as a blessing and not as years of imprisonment.

  No, the question does not seem silly to me- far from it. They are vital questions, and I’m glad there are men to whom they matter enough to pray about and ask counsel for.

1987 November/December issue Part 1

Splendor in the Ordinary

For the encouragement of those whose work seems humdrum, here is what St. Francis DeSales said: "The King of Glory rewards His servants not according to the dignity of their office, but according to the love and humility with which they carry it out."

  In the same spirit are these paragraphs from the book Splendor in the Ordinary (out of print, alas), by Thomas Howard (who has taught me many things, even though he is my brother): "[In households] the idea is that in our daily routines we are playing out the Drama of Charity, which eludes politics and its calculations. The commonplaces of household life are parts of the rite in which we celebrate the mystery of Charity-and it is indeed a mystery, full of outrageous absurdities like obedience being a form of liberty, and self-denial a form of self-discovery, and giving a form of receiving, and service a form of exaltation. Politics boggles at mysteries like this; but in Christian house-holds the hunch is that they are all clues to what the Real Drama is about.
  "For when the Drama of Charity was played out on the stage of our history, we saw these absurdities disclosed in their true colors. Here we saw Love incarnate in the form of a servant; here we heard the disquieting doctrine of exchanged life proclaimed all over the hills of Judaea; here we witnessed the humility of the virgin mother exalted high above the station of patriarchs and prophets, and the heroic silence of her spouse lauded for all time. Here we saw a gibbet transfigured into a throne, defeat into victory, death into life, and submission into sovereignty. And here we learned of the Holy Ghost himself whose service is to glorify, not himself, dread and mighty as he is, but this incarnate Love humbled below the meanest of men. A riot of self-giving and glory, humiliation and exaltation, service and majesty. Nonsense by any political calculating; but the mystery of Charity before our eyes.

  "It is this nonsense that we come upon in our kitchens. For the service in this room is either pointless thralldom, or it is as close to the center of the Real Drama as any rite in the whole household. For it is, precisely, service; and service, occurring as it does always for the sake of something else, is a form of humility and self-giving; and humility and self-giving have been disclosed in the Christian Drama as being at the heart of the matter."

1987 May/June issue Part 1

Serious Play, Careless Work

When I was a kid we rushed home every afternoon from school, burst into the house to make sure Mother was there where we wanted her to be (she was), and then collected the kids on the block to play Kick the Can or to build playhouses out of wooden greenhouse boxes. Equipment didn't cost us a cent. Adults didn't have to supervise us or drive us anywhere or coach us. We just played. We were kids, and we knew that after-school time was playtime-until it was time to work (practice the piano, set the table, clear the table, do homework).

  Something has gone badly awry. Educators have gotten terribly serious about play and terribly casual

1987 March/April issue Part 1

My Life for Yours

Ten years ago a young Canadian woman sat in the assembly hall at the University of Illinois in Urbana, along with 17,000 other students attending Inter-Varsity's missionary convention. She thrilled to the singing of the great hymns, led by Bernie Smith. She heard the speakers, "and I remember the incredible excitement and desire to know and serve God that I experienced at that time. Now I have walked through some deep waters, and I feel compelled to write to you," her letter to me said. She had

read two of my books just before the convention, and I happened to be among the speakers. Another was Helen Roseveare, author of Give Me This Mountain and other books. Barbara was especially moved by the thought of the cost of declaring God's glory. Her letter told me this story:

Three years after Urbana she married Gerry Fuller, "a wonderful man who demonstrated zeal for Christ, a passion for souls, a beautiful compassion for hurting, broken people who needed to know the healing love of Jesus Christ." Following seminary and student pastorates, he became a prison chaplain and an inner-city missionary. Then he married Barbara and together they worked in Saint John, New Brunswick, with street kids, ex-convicts, and glue-sniffers.

  The time came when Barbara saw Gerry seeking the Lord with such great intensity it made her question her own commitment to Christ. Was she prepared to die to self as he was? What was it that drove him to pray as he did-at least once until four in the morning? Was her own love for the Lord as deep as his, or was it perhaps shadowed by her love for her husband?

1987 January/February issue Part 2

The Gift of Work

The principal cause of boredom is the hatred of work. People are trained from childhood to hate it. Parents often feel guilty about making children do anything but the merest gestures toward work. Perhaps the children are required to make their beds and, in a feeble and half-hearted fashion, tidy up their rooms once a month or so. But take full responsibility to clear the table, load the dishwasher, scrub the pots, wipe the counters? How many have the courage to ask this of a ten-year-old? It would be too much to ask of most ten-year-olds because parents have seriously asked nothing of them when they were two or three. Children quickly pick up the parents' negative attitudes toward work and think of it as something most sedulously to be avoided.

1986 September/October issue Part 1

Family Prayers

When I was a child my father and mother gathered the six of us in the living room after breakfast every morning for family prayers. First we sang a hymn, omitting none of the stanzas, accompanied on the piano by one of our parents. It was in this way that we learned a good bit of solid theology without any conscious effort. I must emphasize that it was hymns and old gospel songs we sang, not choruses or gospel ditties.

  There are some young families who still do this today. Judy Palpant of Spokane, who had heard me tell about our family prayers, writes, "Our children know that you were the inspiration for our three-year-old tradition of singing a hymn with our family devotions. We sing the same one each morning for a month. Tonight was the first time we tabulated the number of hymns we learned. The children were impressed! Let me assure you that many new words and truths have been impressed upon their hearts and minds as we have discussed the themes and words of our chosen hymn. Our many guests at breakfast (especially when we were in Africa) were often blessed by the singing of a hymn. My husband's parents were visiting us when we were singing 'Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us.' That hymn was sung at their wedding. During the Easter season one year we were learning 'When I Survey the Wondrous Cross on Which the Prince of Glory Died.' A missionary from Kenya underlined the words 'Prince of Glory' for us by sharing some insights with us. Thank you for this idea which has enriched our family as well as our guests."

1986 July/August issue Part 3

Jewels on the Sidewalk

My dear friend Katherine Morgan (the spiritual mother I wrote about in the May/June'85 issue) writes from Colombia:

"I have long felt that most of the family and social problems today can be traced directly to the fact of woman being out of her God-given place and consequently forcing man out of his. Most women cannot see the slightest thing wrong with it, and neither can their short-sighted husbands. Their argument here is that even with two salaries coming in, they can hardly scrape by. When one points out that half of the things they have they don't need, and that what they call their 'needs' are not nearly so great as their children's need of them as parents, they just look at one and look blank. I often ask mothers if they ever leave their color television set or their jewel box with the jewels in it out on the sidewalk when they go to work. They look astonished at the silly question. Then comes the query, 'Do your children compare in value with those things? Yet you leave them out all day on the street to have their morals, their culture, and their souls stolen by thieves who play in the neighborhood."'

1986 July/August issue Part 1

Who Will Speak to My Husband?

(The following is an article by R.C. Sproul, first published in his magazine Tabletalk in February, 1986. Reprinted with permission.)

  “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands” – this Biblical admonition is one of the most abused exhortations of Scripture. It is abused on two sides, twisted and distorted beyond recognition by both parties in the dispute.

1986 March/April issue Part 1

Mary Pride's Book

In the July/August and September/October Newsletters of 1985 I mentioned Mary Pride's book, The Way Home. I have received several inquiries as to my views on some of the things Mrs. Pride says. Other NL readers may have wondered about the same things, and lest my mentioning the book be taken as an unconditional endorsement let me say that I did not intend it to be quite unconditional. While I say Brava! to her disavowal of feminism, and applaud the strong encouragement to understanding motherhood as a high form of service to the Lord and her urging women to stay home, I recognize that she is both a young woman and a fairly new Christian. More years and more experience may modify some of her assertions. I would take issue with her on the following subjects:

1986 January/February issue Part 1

Rules for Courtship

The following, which I wish we could shout from the housetops, was published in 1962 as a small leaflet entitled "Rules for Keeping Company." No author's name is given. It is reprinted here by permission from Liguori Publications, Liguori, Missouri 63057. "A serious problem is presented to parents and other directors of youth in the wrong views of courtship that are prevalent today. Courtship usually means: the association between a marriageable man and a marriageable woman as a mutual tryout of one another's character for marriage. It is so fraught with moral danger that the rules governing it should be strictly enforced:

1985 March/April issue Part 1

The Suffering Of Divorce

Many Christians now seem to regard divorce as an option, even when adultery is not involved. If they are not "comfortable" with their spouse, if they are "under too much pressure," if the grass looks greener elsewhere (which, given our usual distorted view of happiness, it generally does), they simply opt out. Untold suffering is always the result. As I travel around, I meet many of the victims. What can I say to them? I've never been divorced. I can only watch the effects, listen to the tragic tales, try to give help and comfort as it is asked for.