1986 July/August issue Part 1

Who Will Speak to My Husband?

(The following is an article by R.C. Sproul, first published in his magazine Tabletalk in February, 1986. Reprinted with permission.)

  “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands” – this Biblical admonition is one of the most abused exhortations of Scripture. It is abused on two sides, twisted and distorted beyond recognition by both parties in the dispute.

  On the one hand, feminists frantically seek to escape the clear teaching of the Apostle on the matter of headship in the home. They enlist the aid of theologians and New Testament teachers who commit exegetical acts of despair to neutralize a Biblical mandate-all in a good cause. To stop the apparently incessant acts of domestic tyranny committed by arrogant husbands, these exegetes turn the Bible into a nose of wax to be shaped to conform to the latest wind of public opinion.

  Wifely subordination to her husband is not a popular viewpoint to espouse these days. The fierce militantism of liberated women gives pause to the man who dares to interpret these injunctions in traditional fashion. What kind of ministry can one have if he alienates 50% of the population on an issue like this?

  But enough of this feminist distortion. It will pass. It is the other side that frightens me. Those with a zeal for Biblical orthodoxy can also twist these admonitions to wives into destructive orders. Consider the popularity of the view that is epidemic in the evangelical world today that declares women should always obey their husbands in everything. This simplistic application of the exhortation ignores other Biblical principles by which we are called to obey God rather than men.

  When controversy rages over the issue of wives' submission, men who speak to the issue are a bit suspect. We have a vested interest in this debate. I'd rather hear what Elisabeth Elliot has to say about it.

  Recently a woman said to me, "II know what the Bible says about wives being submissive. But who will talk to my husband about his responsibility?" Hear this woman's plea. She speaks for thousands of Christian wives. It is almost impossible these days for a Christian wife to be unaware of

what the Bible says about submission. The wives all know it and, to make matters worse, their husbands know it too. The problem is that men don't know and/or don't care to know what God commands of them.

  Here is the bad news, men. "Husbands, love your wives."

  Why is this mandate not the center of controversy? Why don't we find endless articles about what loving our wives means? Why don't we see essays that speak of "mutual love"?

This mandate has not become a hotly contested issue because husbands systematically ignore it. Who will speak to the husbands?

  God has spoken. God has laid down a law. That law is clear and inescapable. The law states: "husbands, love your wives" (Eph 5:25). How are we to love our wives? Let me count the ways, Elizabeth Barrett Browning to the contrary. Scripture lists basically one way we are to love our wives: AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER.

  No wonder men want to focus on the wives' responsibility in marriage. Our responsibility is to love our wives in a sacrificial way, in a way that demonstrates we are ready to lay down our lives for them.

Christ is the head of the church. The church is not the head of Christ. The church is to submit to Christ; Christ is not subordinate to His bride. Yet Jesus has never tyrannized the church. The bride of Christ has never received a black eye from the brutal fists of her husband.

  If husbands loved their wives as Christ loves. His church, the question of wifely submission would never be an issue. There would be no need for women's liberation. What Godly woman would ever feel demeaned if she were called to be submissive to Christ? If Christ were her husband, would she ever need to hoist a picket sign to denounce him?

  If I am called to love my wife as Christ loves the church, that is my responsibility before God. It would be easier for me to concentrate on my wife's responsibility. Everybody else seems to be more interested in the woman's responsibility. Why can't I be also? But then, who would speak to the husbands? (R.C. Sproul)