1989 March/April issue Part 2

Too Many Children?

When I learned that my daughter Valerie was expecting number five, my insides tied themselves in knots.
  Val and Walt were both very peaceful about it, willing to receive this child as they had the others- as a gift from the Lord, remembering His words, “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me” (Luke 9:48). But my imagination ran to the future and its seeming impossibilities- “Poor dear Val. she has her hands more than full. What will she do with five?” Before she was married Valerie had told me she had hoped the Lord would give her six. I had smiled to myself, thinking she would probably ably revise that number after the first three or four. Practical considerations rose like thunderclouds in my mind. Money. Another room to be built into the house. Homeschooling (Valerie was teaching two already). How would the new child receive the attention he needed? Etc., etc.
  Then I began to look at the advantages. I was one of six children myself, and loved growing up in a big family. Children learn early what it means to help and to share, to take responsibility and to make sacrifices, to give place to others, to cooperate and deny themselves. Why all this turmoil in my soul? Well because I love my child! She was tired! Her hands were full! Maybe later, maybe when the others were old enough to help more, maybe... O Lord!
  I tried to talk to God about it. Breakfast time came, we ate, washed dishes, school began in the children’s schoolroom, and I went to my room, my heart churning. What does one do?
I write this because troubled young women have come to me not understanding their mothers’ reactions to the news of another baby. Was it resentment? Did they not love the grandchildren they had? Why would they not want more? Was it nothing but a meddlesome yen to run their children’s lives? Was it a revelation of a worst attitude- an unwillingness to let God be God?

  It was the last question that I knew I must wrestle with as I knelt in the bedroom. Most things that trouble us deeply come down to that. I had to bring each of my wrong responses definitely and specifically to God, lay them honestly before Him (He already knew exactly what I was thinking), confess my pride and silliness, and then, just as definitely accept His sovereign and loving will for Valerie, for her family, and for me as the granny. Only God knew how many countless others, even in future generations, He had in mind in bringing this particular child into the Shepard family. He was granting this family the privilege of offering sacrifices for Him, participating in His grand design. YES, LORD. Your will is my conscious choice. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.
  Even thought the feelings don’t evaporate at once, they have been surrendered, and the Lord knows what to do with them. Mine had to be surrendered over and over again, but He took them, and over the next few days He transformed them. And when the news of number six was broken to me last spring, I was able to say Thank You , Lord, and to add that tiny unknown one to my prayer list. If you saw the last Newsletter, you know of the birth of Evangeline Mary November 9, lovingly welcomed by all.