1983 May/June issue Part 2

A note to fathers

Are you depriving your son of his sonship? “Hey! Hold it. What…?” Hebrews 12:7 says, “can anyone be a son who is not disciplined by his father? If you escape the discipline in which all sons share, you must be bastards (illegitimate) and not true sons.” (J.B Philips) Do you love your son or daughter enough to say no- and hold to it? Would you by cowardliness that fears to make a rule (perhaps because “nobody else” believes in it), treat your child as though you cared no more about him than you would care about a bastard?

But there are some words of caution. “Fathers, don’t over-correct your children, or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.” (Ephesians 6:4, J.B Phillips)

This reminds me of the way in which the Lord Jesus teaches us. He is so patient with us who are such “fools and slow of heart.” The Sheppard does not make it hard for the sheep to walk in the right paths. He is always trying to make it easier for them, but they balk, they wonder off, they don’t listen. Children as well as adults are like sheep. They go astray. Fathers are meant to be shepherds. Don’t over-correct. “Your fathers must not goad your children to resentment, but give them the instruction, and the correction, which belong to a Christian upbringing.” (Same verse, New English Bible) It’s balance that is needed. Correct them, teach them. Don’t go to extremes. Ask God for wisdom. It’s too big a job for any ordinary human being. Look at God as a Father. How does He deal with us? Try to follow His pattern.

A note to mothers

If you have small children, you have the toughest, most demanding, exhausting, consuming job in the world. You need help! Watching my daughter Valerie with her three children shows me that keeping them happily occupied while doing her necessary housework is no small matter. Have you thought of giving even tiny children work to do? It doesn’t have to be all play. They can learn very early to do small tasks: put away the silverware, store paper bags away when you come back from grocery shopping, empty waste paper baskets, pick up toys and clothes and put them where they belong, straighten shoes on the closet floors, wipe baseboards with a damp rag, sweep under the radiators with a small dust brush, pick up sticks from the lawn, take everything out of a drawer or shelf so you can clean it, then put it back. Of course you can do it better and faster. But if you patiently show a child how to do these things and then patiently (!) let them do them, he will: 1) learn to work, 2) be taught responsibility, 3) have the pleasure of being useful, 4)learn that actions have consequences, 5)feel himself an important member of the household 6) know he is needed, 7)enjoy cooperating with mother and 8) be busy. A few weeks or months of patience on your part, provided you start early enough, will result in an ordered home, where each person contributes to the other’s happiness as a matter of course. I think most parents are way behind their children’s development- in other words, they are saying, “Oh He’s not old enough for that. He can’t understand that yet,” when the truth is that the child is well able to understand and perform much better than his parents give him credit for. I’ve seen evidence of this on occasions when I have taken care of other people’s children. They’ve done for me (simply because they saw that I expected it) what they “could not” do for their parents (because they knew that the parents did not expect it). This lesson is one the Indian mother taught me years ago in the jungle. Survival demanded that the children take far more responsibility than is ever required of them in our country. They did it. They did it without complaint or protest of any kind. They took care of baby brothers and sisters, went hunting or fishing or gathering food when food was needed, crossed rivers, climbed steep hills, made their way on rugged and muddy trails, built fires, carried water. It was expected. Children generally live up to expectations. Expect them to be helpless- they will be.